Current: sleep deprived and the realization that for past decade have succeeded only in maneuvering myself into lifelong struggle in which I have no choice now but to create my way out. Day in, day out. And this wouldn't be so exhausting were it not for the 8+ hrs I must put in daily to finance expensive interests, and the fact that I like my job and often give 110% during said 8+ hrs. leaves *yawn* precious little energy - so little I must drain 2 quadruple cappuccinos in the mornings just to function. And throughout it all, along with the urgent necessity for creation, is the feeling of certainty that my talent is lost and that I can accomplish nothing. Horrific. Some nights, one can only give up & push it all aside and head downstairs to M's apartment to bide time with the latest games de vid.